By the Time You Read This

I'll be on my way home

Apologies All Around

Hey all!

I suppose you're all wondering where I've disappeared off to all these months. Rest assured I'm still working away on the blog, if only at a snail's pace. I'm currently in the process of sifting through little point form notes, thousands of photos and bits of faded memories and memorabilia of Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore (whew). Problem with traveling all these countries over such a long period of time is that one starts to lose the language. Pigeon English has replaced what was formerly (marginally) proper English and I'm finding it that much more difficult to properly convey my thoughts in words.

What I will say for now is that I have officially booked my flight home and my trip will be coming to an end in the near future (I will leave the date up to your imaginations). Thanks for the patience.

In the meantime I'll leave you with one of my favourite moments caught on photo. This is me falling down a sand dune in Mui Ne, Vietnam (it's rather big so you'll have to click to see it at full size):


Also. Sorry for not responding to your comments. I meant to but I was on expensive island internet and only had time to check my email quickly.

Travel Day: Hoi An: Waiting For the Night Bus

With our bus not leaving 'til seven in the evening, the majority of our day was spent in relative limbo. Fear of missing our departure meant there was little motivation for us to explore too far out of town. And so the morning was wiled away catching up on current events on the old TV precariously seated on a chair next to my bed and lazily gathering our belongings for another night on a bus.

It was around noon when we figured it best to head downstairs so the staff wouldn't have to come up and forcefully evict us from the premises. We dropped off our bags in the front lobby, paid the tab and wandered out to savour our remaining hours in Nha Trang. My camera came along for the ride (because I'm not trusting enough to leave my valuables untended).

Pickup trucks are far from affordable for the average person here so people come up with creative ways to compensate:

The large park by the beach is surprisingly empty during the daytime (probably because of the soaring daytime temperatures)

..but at around five O'clock, a number of old buses packed full of locals pull up along the beach front:

...And the sky soon fills with colourful plastic kites

Na na na na na na na na.....

Small businesses swarm in from all corners to capitalize on the crowd. A few old ladies cart around these big weigh scales (I found it strange that a lot of them looped the theme from Titanic through the built in speaker):

Other ladies go about the beach bothering sunbathers with baskets full of cheap snacks. The one worth trying is the giant rice cracker (the size of a basketball hoop).



Not to be outdone by their religious contemporaries, the (generally) atheist communists here have spared no expense to bring in their own brand of non-denominational Christmas lights:


Our midnight pit stop proved rather challenging. For future reference "NAM" is Vietnamese for "Men."

Nha Trang: Happy Endings Massage Parlours

Backed by highly valued tourist dollars and anonymous in their travels, a number of otherwise well adjusted backpackers relax their moral compasses, gird their loins, and indulge themselves in less than savoury activities. To fill the demand, "Happy Endings" establishments pop up at the big tourist hot spots, dropping the bar for everyone else. Beach towns in particular are the hardest hit, and Nha Trang is no exception to the rule.

One thing I've noticed about seaside towns in this region is, the closer one gets to the beach, the more Happy Endings Massage Parlours they will see. The streets running parallel to Nha Trang's main beach are good examples as the businesses nearest the ocean tend to be more party oriented and the ones farther away are more practically minded. Let's say you look anywhere farther than three blocks from the sand and surf, you will only find supermarkets, restaurants, pharmacies and doctors. Two blocks (where our guesthouse is) and closer, one is more likely to find Sleazy bars, Karaoke joints (read: brothels) and Happy Endings Massage Parlours. Maybe this chart would better illustrate this theory:

...or maybe not...

Anyway, your average Happy Endings Massage Parlour is fairly easy to pick out and it doesn't take a genius to distinguish one from a legitimate massage parlour. Telltale signs include:

1. Dark tinted front windows
2. Loud hip hop music coming from inside
   
3. Red entrance lights (only visible at night)
4. Emaciated (and possibly underage) girl in a tube top/miniskirt ensemble standing near the front door
5. Largely male clientèle.
   

It's not rocket science.

Regardless, a temporary lapse of judgment ensued this afternoon following a bowl of pho and a round of fruit shakes. It must have been the daytime heat or maybe I was lost in conversation at the time but something distracted me as I stumbled across a reflexology sign carefully placed in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned toward the girl at the door (telltale sign #4) and asked how much an hour costs, ignoring the loud Eminem track blaring (telltale sign #2) from behind the tinted windows (telltale sign #1) and the unkempt men milling in and out of the entranceway (telltale sign #5). I think it was when she looked over at Jo and rolled her eyes that I finally put two and two together and backed down. My face is still red.

Oh, and for the curious among you, a "massage" (and complimentary rash) will set you back about 125,000 VND (about $8 USD).

Nha Trang: Ba Ho Falls and Doc Let Beach

If ever a day existed where the journey eclipsed the destination, today would be it. We began it like many other, that is to say, we woke up late and took our time with breakfast. Even then, we had enough time left in the morning to rent a pair of motorbikes (this time with enough gas in the tanks and a local girl volunteered to lead us to a service station). And so our road trip began.

We revved up our Chinese made motos and sped through the remainder of Nha Trang, promising ourselves that we'd stop at all the interesting sights on the way back (through past experience, this never happens - today was no different) and up a winding hilly slope by the city's border. Most of the hillside real estate on the northern edge of town is taken up by colourful mini mausoleums. I've been told that like the Chinese, grave placement is important to the Vietnamese. A hillside location is apparently most auspicious.

Further down Highway 1 (about 20 clicks), we ran into a little difficulty. The turn off to the Ba Ho falls, we found out, doesn't have any signage. Luckily, the guidebook mentions an intersection by the Quyen restaurant. Too bad on a highway littered with little roadside restaurants, it's not difficult at all to overlook one that's a landmark, especially when it's a dirty old shack. After going back and forth a couple of times (with a quick stop for some overpriced pho), we found our way onto a rural dirt road, across a railway track (where the "Reunification Express" runs) and through a little village.

The initial reaction at the entrance was one of disappointment as it consisted of a trash strewn picnic area aside an equally trash strewn stream and little else. After paying for admission and parking, a group of Vietnamese women gathered around us to sell us heavily marked up soft drinks. I eventually caved and bought a bottle of Thai imported Red Bull on the way out.

Somehow, I'd forgotten that near-death experiences come part in parcel with my visits to waterfalls. I think there were at least a half dozen in the twenty minute climb up and another half dozen on the way down. Certain stretches were sheer cliff faces overlooking gaping crevasses between boulders. The small iron bars haphazardly placed on the cliff faces weren't made for over sized feet in over sized sandals so the climb was that much worse for me.

Further disappointment greeted us at the top as, despite the rainy season, the falls didn't offer much more than a trickle. Anyway, the exercise was good and none of us came out injured so things worked out in the end.

Sweaty from the climb, we hopped back on our bikes and continued north to the Doc Let beach for a little rest and relaxation.

Along the way, we stopped by a group of farmers who were more than willing subjects for our photographs. Surprisingly none asked for "wan dollah," which seems to be customary in these parts.

The scenery on the way to Doc Let:



Another letdown greeted us at Doc Let as a number of exclusive resorts have taken over the beach and posted guard huts at the entrances. It was probably for the best anyway as it was getting late in the afternoon and we needed to get back to town before nightfall.

On the way back, Andrew, who was driving ahead of me, slowed down to say hello to a group of bicycling school children. So shocked were they of the strange foreigner, a couple steered directly in my path. Neither were hurt in the collision but I seared my leg on the hot exhaust pipe in the process.

We made it back to town just in time to catch the sunset



Because I have nowhere else to post this, here's a photo of a napping cyclo driver taken earlier this morning:

Nha Trang: Mining for Earwax (For Fun and/or Profit)

Today's planned outing was written off about five minutes after renting a pair of motorbikes. For some reason, the rental agency had decided to drain the gas tanks almost entirely before handing over the keys - there wasn't enough juice to get to the gas station so we had to push our bikes all the way back. After a drawn out argument with the management (we're getting used to doing it here), we managed to get a refund and took to the streets of Nha Trang on foot.

For the most part, I've paid little attention to the barber stands that proliferate the urban side roads here. Essentially they consist of a chair, a mirror and a small tray of tools set up on the sidewalk. Well, it was a rare treat today that I caught my first glimpse of the "after service." What happens is, once the haircut is done, buddy here straps a flashlight to his head, pulls out a fancy Q-tip like thing (it's more like a mini feather duster), and goes to town on his customer's ear canal. Now, considering Vietnamese motorists (who travel only a few feet away) tend to sound their horns at just about everything they pass, one has to wonder what kind of masochist pays for this type of service:

In a country where restaurants commonly recycle drinking straws by soaking them in dirty old dishwater (something I accidentally stumbled upon when I passed through a kitchen), I'll bet good money that these fancy "Q-tips" undergo a similar treatment.

Travel Day: Nha Trang - Unemployment

While eating breakfast, the guest house owner kindly advised us that the drunk guy no longer works here. The news came too little too late and we caught the first bus out of town.