The Slacker's Toolbox

I burned myself out quite early on in my career here due to lack of recognition, low salary and M. From my observations, motivation tends to drop dramatically when one is rewarded with more work for being an efficient member of staff. Now I spend most of my time creating the illusion that I'm being productive. I'm like David Blaine... but less exciting.

These are my top secret tools of the trade:

1. A DOS based, text only web browser with the executable file renamed to "NTCONFIG.EXE" It looks quite official in the taskbar when M and the boss poke their heads in my office. I often use it to browse fark or look up naughty words in wikipedia.
2. Excel spreadsheet -The numbers on the screen make me look like I'm being productive when I'm only doing my personal budgeting. It's also useful to switch to when somebody comes to check up on me.
3. Notepad.exe - For typing up long blog posts and emails. I used to write some really elaborate emails before I started the blog. I'll dig a few up when I run out of material.
   
4. Scrap pieces of paper with random part numbers, quantities and invoice numbers - It looks like I'm looking into some stock problems. Looks like.
   
5. Voided shipping orders - I carry them around the building as if I have a purpose every couple of hours. Then I go back to my nap.
6. MSN - Mostly for bugging Jeremy and Dave when they're supposed to be working. My bad.
7. Alt+Tab - Switching between windows when M pops up comes in handy. I think muscle memory has conditioned my hand to automatically go to the alt+tab position (see below) as soon as I get on a keyboard.
   
8. Pocket PC - For Bejeweled and Megaman 2 sessions in the bathroom. Also used for tapping into the neighbouring office's unsecured wireless router to check email.
9. Phone - For pretending I'm on hold. Suckers.

Remember. It's only wrong if you get caught.