Sick Days

Sick days are a near impossibility here at LSS Ltd. The boss makes sure of that. After a sick day (of which you are given three per fiscal year), one is expected to do a 15 minute oral presentation entitled "Why I Took Yesterday Off." It's informal, of course, but the boss always brings it up in conversation first thing in the morning, often requesting full details of the illness.

I took yesterday off due to a severe bout of insomnia (no sleep for 36 hours). This is unacceptable to him as it's not a "real" illness. I know this from experience. So this morning as I began with the daily backup, the dreaded interrogation started.

I told him that I ate something that disagreed with me. I believe my exact wording was "Things were coming out liquid," followed by a brief synopsis of the preceding day's epic bowel movements. Then I explained that driving through 45 minutes of rush hour traffic in a car reupholstered in feces would be unnacceptable.

His phone rang halfway through our conversation. I'll bet he was glad.