Jon Chan: International Man of Colour

The non-dictionary term for my condition is "Banana" ...or would that be "Bananified?" ...let's not argue semantics.

For those of you unfamiliar with this probably politically incorrect allegory, Bananas are yellow on the outside and white on the inside. Given my Asian heritage, I'll let you fill in the blanks.

As a Banana, any understanding I have for the Chinese culture, let alone any other Asian culture for that matter is purely vestigial. Sure, I understand enough Cantonese to know when I'm being insulted and yeah, I know a couple of cultural nuances to bring up in conversation but for the most part, I am Asian by appearance only. I suppose you can imagine my frustration when my co-workers forget this. Constantly.

People here expect me to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of all things Asian. This means, to them, I'm a master of Feng Shui, martial arts, cooking, Eastern philosophy, geography, history, etc. etc. etc. I am that shining beacon of culture in an otherwise cultural wasteland. Embarrased by my own ignorance, I start making stuff up.

The worst time of year for me in this respect is the period right before Chinese New Year. When asked what date it falls on, I usually respond with "It's a week after Chinese Christmas." It's funny how many people fall for it. I also tell them it’s customary for "Saw Gwei Lo" (them) to buy me dinner. I'm such an ass.

A few months back, I was given Japanese and Korean texts to translate. The assumption being that my magic decoder slanty eyes would make things easier for me to read them.

Today, S asked what I did for Thanksgiving (yesterday). I think he was expecting something strange and exotic. His interest gave way to disappointment when I told him I had turkey with all the fixin's.